The degenerative & painful pathway to wrinkledom (#2)
I have spent years telling my boys that watching their mum suffer with MS is a privilege. It is a privilege and to have avoided the pain and suffering would be, to have missed out. When their friends are disproportionately concerned about future grades, girls, and goals in life, suffering has illuminated those future good things as trivialities in comparison to what we already have. That is the privilege of pain, it helps us focus and therefore appreciate God’s providential provision. Ultimately we know that in the life-saving work of Christ, but we mustn’t fall into the quagmire of under-realised eschatology and diminish the spiritual blessings we know now and the simple blessings we can enjoy in life now. Pain gifts us with illuminating focus, so…
Focus on what is beautiful - How many of us in Covid lockdowns realised afresh the simple benefits of going for a walk? It’s physical, it's psychologically beneficial, it’s even spiritually beneficial because it helps us see how powerful our creator is, as Psalm 19:1 reminds us…
“‘The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands.’”
My daily, sunset lockdown walk location
God speaks to us in creation, it won’t save us, but it does humble us and help us. The lockdown daily walk helped us all focus on something beautiful and let's be honest, anything was more beautiful than another Zoom call! When your body is a wreck and everything is painful, focus on what is beautiful and if you are the one walking in the dark valley of suffering, you most likely will need someone else’s illuminating wisdom to point out what is beautiful - my wife had beautiful eyes. Focus on that which you can appreciate and praise; for example, young mums need regular reminders of how amazing they are, but also how beautiful they are. The home might be more messy than pre-baby life, and the leggings might be slightly tighter, but focus on and praise what is beautiful. Husbands, tell your wife what makes you excited when you see them. Of course, you need to encourage and support them in all they do as mums and most importantly as sisters in Christ (Ephesians 5:25-27), but they are beautiful women, so tell them!
Focus on what is beneficial - We are not created to be alone; we need people around us - family, church family, friends, colleagues, neighbours, they all have their unique roles in our lives. Loneliness is the pandemic of pandemics (especially for men). We need the ear of a friend to offload onto, we need hugs and encouragement, we need people to laugh with us and at us, we need the refining words of a brother and sister who want us to become more like Jesus, we need people around us who will encourage us to pray and read God’s Word. None of that happens if we stay in on our own and nothing changes if we fail to see our need for it and if we don’t work at it. That is harder for the introvert, but that can’t be an excuse. We need people. We need relationships. Social media can occupy us and it can waste hours of time, but it is a lonely, vacuous, false, and angry place. It can provide the occasional laugh, it can connect family and friends, there are some benefits, but nothing can replace the real and physical - focus on that.
Focus on what is important - There was an evening in late 2019 during the pandemic when I was called by the hospital, my wife was struggling and they were unsure if she would pull through the night. Thankfully she stabilised and I didn’t get the call I dreaded, to come in and say goodbye (that happened a few times in the years after), but that night in 2019 was so helpful. Everyone was asleep, I didn’t want to wake anyone up, I had no one to talk to…except God. When everything is stripped away the focus you are afforded is such a gift; I spent hours that night praying, then I’d sleep a bit, then I’d pray some more. When things are hard, it illuminates the trivial and helps you focus on what is glorious and eternal and that night I grew exponentially, in my love and appreciation for my Heavenly Father. Over the years friends have tried to tell me how hard they think life must be, but it’s not in comparison to so many I know, because of what is important. In God’s sovereign kindness, I have two boys who love Jesus and despite the weakness and pain, they are both OVERWHELMINGLY CONQUERING in Christ. My boys may not have been to the ‘best’ schools, they may never go on exotic holidays, and they may never ski (how terribly un-middle-class!!) but in God’s sovereign love, they are safe. Therefore my life is amazing because of that alone and everything else is trivial by comparison. I have friends who are so wealthy, they seem to have everything, but their children are not trusting Jesus as Lord and Saviour and that is the hardest and most painful experience that any parent will ever endure and expensive holidays and private schooling, can never diminish nor cover that pain. Focus on what is important.
